You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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