sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
