apparently the secret to your success is patron
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
