We won't sleep together?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
