So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
