I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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