Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
