I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
