i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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