I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
