the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wish they made helmets for livers.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
