I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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