how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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