We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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