I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize