Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
