I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
