I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
