last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
