oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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