i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
