but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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