we have pet lesbian snakes
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
