did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he thought i was a dude.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
