Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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