You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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