halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
