Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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