I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
