1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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