Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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