She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
