Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
