I can text with my tongue
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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