we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
