im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
