Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
