Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
