I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Watching her eat just hurts me
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
