I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Randomize
