Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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