Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
