why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
