we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
