Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize