If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
Randomize
