Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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