So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
