I'm eating all of the evidence.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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