This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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