Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
