apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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