So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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