my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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