Cold hands, warm shart.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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