Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
