Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
