I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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