fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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