I hope mine doesn't look like that
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
