PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
