We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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