what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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