the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
