I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
