May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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