I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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