one might say we're banned from that church
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
