i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
