Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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