he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
