I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
