Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
