Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
