Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
