he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
