Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
