did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
