My room smells like vodka and shame
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
