the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize