She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
