Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
