what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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